she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
