I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
