Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
