I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she looked like the before picture.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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