A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Non-Jews are for practice
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
