I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
