god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
