We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
