Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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