it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
