I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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