there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
