Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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