I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
