I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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