She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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