Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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