And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
