I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
