ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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