i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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