I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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