I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
