I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
