Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
