I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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