Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Come see our sink grown plant.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
