none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
