Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
