there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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