I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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