take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
