My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
