Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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