This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think people are normalizing furries
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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