Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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