You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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