i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
