so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Bring me that man meat
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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