The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
NoShamevember. You game?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
