Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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