i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
