she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
