South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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