Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
