Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
