yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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