Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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