I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
