So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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